Things characters would never say in a tekken game
by king's angel
Summary: This is just a funny fic I thought of while I was playing a game with a friend of mine. It was so much fun I decided to post it up on here. Enjoy! :
1. Heihachi Mishima

**Things characters would never say in a tekken game**

**Heihachi Mishima **

1.I have decided out of the goodness of my heart to donate all my money to charity.

2.Ok Kazuya lets play golf like father and son.

3.Ow. I broke my spine.

4.Hash anyonesh sheen my teeth?

5.I'm rich, I'm powerful what more do women want?

6.Here King I've decided to give all my assets to you.

7.I feel twenty years younger. Now to find me a hooker.

8.Ok Lee as a gesture of good will I have decided to promote you from toilet scrubber to ass kisser.

9.Hey who poisoned my…_hack! Hack! _ _I'm dying!_

10.I am Heihachi Mishima baby and I plan on sticking around for Tekken 6, Tekken 7, Tekken 8...

11.Ok this is my tournament so you have to let me win this time. Don't double cross me like you did in the previous tournaments. That means you!

12.Kuma stop humping that panda!

13.Once I obtain the power of the devil I'm leaving this game for Bloody Roar.

14.I may be old but I'm still sexy!

15.Ok virgins to right and sluts to the left. I've decided to host a Tekken bitch slapping tournament.

16.I Heihachi vow to be honest and kind and honourable and…hahaha yeah right as if!

17.Please Yoshimitsu kill Kazuya not me!

18.You're going down you hear me! I won't be beaten by a little girl!

19.I want my money back Xiaoyu! You sold me a fake country! There's no such place called Koopa island!

20.Good guys finish last and die much quicker.

21.I'm too old to fight. Get someone else to do it.

22.What!? I'm bankrupt?

23.Ok Jin time for your skydiving lesson. Oh wait you forgot your parachute!

24.Bye Jin, bye dad, bye son. See you on Mars ok?

25.Kuma what are you doing!? Nooooo! Help! Kuma is…


	2. Jin Kazama

**Things characters would never say in a tekken game**

**Jin Kazama**

1.Mummy! I want my mummy!

2.Anyone wanna see a laser show?

3.I don't know what you're talking about? That building was already damaged when I woke up.

4.Hey Xiao feeling lucky bitch?

5.Ok dad lets call a truce.

6.Heihachi I need and advance on my allowance!

7.Please Grandpa don't shoot me! _Waaah!_

8.Ok Hwoarang I'll take Asuka and you take Julia.

9.Hey check out my buff bod!

10.Yes! Kazuya and Heihachi are dead. Now the Mishima zaibatsu is mine! Mine! Hahahaha!

11.So Heihachi threw me out of a helicopter. No biggie. I'm still alive right?

12.Xiao I told you before. It was a one night stand get over it!

13.Xiao stop stalking me!

14.Yes! I'm No.1! Hwoarang's a loser! L-O-S-E-R!

15.What Asuka's my cousin!?

16.Hey Nina! Take it off baby!

17.I'm more angel than devil.

18.Don't get me mad. You won't like me when I'm mad.

19Forest? What forest? There was no forest here. Honest.

20.It's time to rock and destroy this place!

21.F U Heihachi!

22.Please Julia I'm begging you! Go out with me not Ganryu!

23.Damn! I'm out of hair gel. Paul you jerk used it all up!

24.I don't care what you say. I'm the star of this game! Now pay me more money or I'll quit!

25.I'm ready to fight, ready to fight, ready to kick some ass.


	3. King

**Things characters would never say in a tekken game**

**King**

1.I'm so sexy I'm afraid to take this mask off.

2.Ever wondered what I looked like underneath this thing?

3.Armour King are you sure this outfit doesn't make me look gay?

4.I am the King of all sexy beasts! Oh yeah!

5.Hey Armour you sure we're doing this move right? It feels kind of weird.

6.Lets play cat and mouse! I'm the cat and you can be the cute little mouse.

7.I'm…too…drunk…to…fight.

8.I'm so happy. I have this shiny belt!

9.Check out my tail. It's totally hot right?

10.Um…can someone get me down from this really tall tree?

11.Have you ever seen the true face of sorrow?

12.I need a queen to comfort me on my empty throne.

13.Check out my muscles! I'm 100 percent buff!

14._Meow!_

15.It's ok Marduk I forgive you.

16.I have a hangover.

17.Great another kid to take care of.

18.Hey Julia want to grab a taco?

19.I'm rich, I'm famous and I'm God's gift to women.

20.So I'm not the same King from Tekken 1 and Tekken 2. I'm just as cool.

21.Is there any more beer?

22.Armour King for the last time I'm not going see Mama mia with you!

23.Check it out I have Ogre's horns. Maybe I can sell these to an ivory dealer.

24.Get away from me you hippies, it's not real fur!

25.I'm a raging beast ready for fame, money, sex and revenge.

26.I'm the true King of iron fist champion!

27.Bless my mummy, my daddy and God for making me this bod.

28.Hey check it out! I'm on TV!

29.Don't call me cute. I'm anything but cute.


	4. Steve Fox

_A/N: This is just basic Brit comedy so unless you're from England you might not get these jokes._

**Things characters would never say in a tekken game**

**Steve Fox**

1.Ok seriously mate. No one talks like that in England anymore. Whoever's playing me in this game should get fired.

2.I may look like David Beckham but I sound like a 1830's chimney sweep from the slums of London

3.I support Arsenal!

4.Seriously I'm telling you mate no one talks like that in England!

5.Why do I sound like an Aussie? No offence Marduk.

6.Do I really look like Ken from Street fighter?

7.Lets play football or better yet Mario strikers charged!

8.Hmm. I like Cloud's hairstyle. Maybe I should have my hair like that?

9.I'm hungry. One pint of larger and a packet of crisps please!

10.Don't be sick Anna! There's no way in hell I'm shagging you!

11.Wankers!

12.Think I can take down Mike Tyson?

13.I'm by far more handsome than Prince William. Just kidding your highness!

14.That's not fair Hwoarang. I can't kick that high! I can't kick at all!

15.I said rock and chips not a rock and a packet of crisps!

16.Tell me mum, if you're Irish then where's the accent?

17.You really think Paul is my dad?

18.Ok I'm 21 not 80. Stop making me sound like an old geezer!

19.Ok lets do this quick I'm missing EastEnders!

20.I fight in this tournament for my queen and country!

21.Hurry up I want to watch Mock the Week!

22.Hey I'm on Dead Ringers!

23.I really need to find me a bird and quick.

24.Like my outfit? I bought it in Primark for £10.50.

25.Ok Heihachi I know you know about the thing I know and I want to know what you know about the thing I know!

26.I can't wait to get the PS3!


	5. Ling Xiaoyu

**Things characters would never say in a tekken game**

**Ling Xiaoyu**

1.When I grow up, I'm gonna marry Jin.

2.Miharu where's my Barbie doll?

3.I love Jin Kazama!

4.Bad Panda! That's my chow mein!

5.Ok I'm ready to kick some Mishima butt!

6. Yo Heihachi where's my theme park!? Don't you run from me!

7.Julia that fat retard is staring at your butt.

8.Ok Nina if I pay you in cash will you kill Heihachi for me?

9.Grandpa stop staring at those girls it's nasty!

10.Do I look flat in this outfit?

11.Jin who's that girl that was talking to you just now?

12.Panda had babies! Yay!

13.Me want cookie! Me want cookie!

14.I'm a bad, bad girl!

15.My parents can't wait to meet you Jin.

16.I told you before. Touch my dumplings again and I'll kill you!

17.You can't hide forever Jin. You will marry me!

18.I'm bored with Tekken. Lets play DOA!

19.There you are! Where's my theme park Heihachi!

20.Huh. So Heihachi was trying to kill me? Who knew?

21.My boobs got bigger!

22.I want candy!

23.I'm the prettiest girl in this tournament and anyone that disagrees with me is in for a world of hurt.

24.I'm L-I-N-G X-I-A…uh…something, something, something!

25.I feel like so like y'know.

26.Ok who stole my candy! Was it you Miharu? You Panda? I want my candy!

27._Waaaah! _Jin broke my heart!

28.Huh? So Panda is a boy?


End file.
